The Madness Beneath
by Goddess-of-da-Cheeseburgers
Summary: Goofy drabbles and one-shots talking about how crazy the Metal Gear Solid characters truly are. More silly than dramatic, really.
1. Raiden, Emma, Bugs, and Explosives

So hey, I'm playing MGS2 one day and I realize something: These games are batshit crazy. Not only is the plot on LSD half the time, but there's SO MUCH you can do that just make the games even stranger.

**Disclaimer: Totally not mine, guys.**

* * *

#1-Raiden, Emma, Bugs, and Explosives.

"Ah! Bugs! I can't stand bugs!" Emma wrenched her hand out of Raiden's grip, hobbling off to stand shakily in the corner. She saw a mildly irritated look flash across the blond man's face, but then he turned away to glance at something on his hip...A cell phone? Super-secret spies used cell phones? Didn't he have nanoes?

Putting the mobile phone away, Raiden pulled out a large can with a spray nozzle. Rotating slowly on the spot, he sprayed at the mass of bugs, sending them scurrying off under the node and into the floor vents. He lowered the can and moved forward, then began spraying once more. This time, the sea lice went crawling up the walls and hiding in another vent there. The stealth operative moved around with the can, spraying meticulously and patiently. Once all the bugs appeared to be gone, he put the can away and turned back to Emma with a smile.

"See? No more bugs." He walked back to her and took her by the hand, guiding her forward. But the insects had returned, and Emma shrieked again as she heard one squish under Raiden's heel. Pulling away once again, the girl stumbled back to her safe, bug-free corner.

Raiden groaned audibly as the bugs all came crawling back. Why they decided that this piece of floor was a nice gathering area was beyond him...But it was time to pull out the big guns. Not literally, though. His M4 was running low on ammo, and randomly pulling out his new RGB6 might frighten Emma more...Frightened women were annoying.

Well, that really only left one option, didn't it?

Emma watched, mystified, as Raiden moved carefully through the mass of bugs. He squatted down and placed something on the ground before moving on. Near the end, he picked up a box of ammo sitting in the corner before moving back through the bugs. He ducked down and seemed to be measuring a distance with his hands before placing something else on the ground near whatever he had set before. Stepping out of the scrabbling mass of insects, the blond kicked his legs out to shake any clinging bugs off.

Still confused, Emma allowed herself to be pulled up and tucked behind the corner. She was a little too close to the water for her liking, but Raiden's gentle smile calmed her. He made sure she was steady against the wall before turning back to the sea lice gathered on the floor, "You'll be safer back there, I promise."

E.E. scarcely had time to nod before a loud explosion shook the floor. She yelped in surprise then glanced around the corner in time to see Raiden wipe splattered bug guts off his face. He grinned to himself, a little too wide and a little too fierce, before mumbling, "Too far away..." He lifted his hand and pressed a button, triggering another explosion. A second went off only seconds later, earning a delighted chuckle from the blond.

Emma flinched back as the gooey innards of hundreds of insects splattered all over Raiden once again. A third and forth explosion, then silence. Emma chanced a look around the corner, only to see the man pulling out a gun and taking careful aim. She jerked back around the corner as Raiden squeezed the trigger, nearly overbalancing and toppling into the water. She squealed at the gunshot and then ensuing explosion, dropping to the ground as her legs gave out.

Peeking around the corner, Emma began to think that doing to was a bad idea. Raiden was combing his fingers through his hair, swiping his hands over his face, and brushing off his arms, chest and legs. Various body parts and goo from bugs fell from his skin-tight suit and gathered around his feet. _Gross..._

And still the blond was smiling.

He turned and held out his hand to Emma again with a gentle grin, "Okay, they're gone."

Unorthodox methods, but...The bugs were all dead. Raiden led E.E. to the elevator with a cheerful grin, almost going out of his way to skip-step and crush the burned up insects still smoldering on the ground.

* * *

I love killing bugs with explosives...They splatter all over the camera. But then, I missed a claymore ON ACCIDENT and ACCIDENTALLY walked E.E. right over it. ACCIDENT, guys, SERIOUSLY.


	2. Snake, Food, and Grenades

What's madness without a little MGS3? (I think the only game crazier than MGS3 is MG2..MhMM...i SHOULD GET ON THAT...)

**Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer applies**

* * *

#2- Naked Snake, Food, and Grenades

Carefully consulting his sonar once again, Snake grinned. He saw them coming, but they didn't see him...His brown and green camo blended almost perfectly with the log he was crouched against, but it was an unnecessary measure, really. They wouldn't come looking for him unless he made his presence known first.

Another blip from the sonar, and Snake was certain they were in range. Tugging the pin out of a grenade, he reared back and hurled the explosive over the log. The resulting boom and a few bellows of agony were music to the soldier's ears.

Attracted by the noise and scent of charred flesh, others moved in quickly to investigate. Another check of the sonar, and Snake lobbed a second grenade into the confused fray. Even if those blind idiots saw it, they wouldn't know what to do with it. A second explosion and more roars of pain awarded the patient warrior. Then a third set, and a fourth.

This continued on for a frightfully long time. Snake was beginning to wonder how many of them were left, and chewed nervously on his lip when he realized that he was down to his last two grenades. Stun grenades wouldn't work well enough, nor would white phosphorus under the circumstances. Chaff grenades were simply pointless for this sort of thing. Snake wondered briefly if he could get out there, plant a block of C4, and then get back before it was too late, but then decided it was too risky.

Conveniently, such tactics were also unnecessary. He checked his sonar carefully and multiple times before confirming that it was safe. Standing up and hopping over his log, the FOX member started off towards the lake at a run. He dove in and splashed about, picking up the nicely portioned hunks of crocodile and fish. Hey, the grenades had even sort of cooked them too! That was a nice bonus!

* * *

GRENADE FISHING IS COOL AND YOU KNOW IT!


End file.
